The Invisible Load of Motherhood During the Holidays (And How I Lighten It)

There’s something about the holiday season that brings out the very best and the very busiest parts of motherhood. It’s magical, yes. Cozy, yes. Full of memories, absolutely. But it’s also the time of year when the invisible load — the mental and emotional work no one sees — gets heavier than ever.

It’s the remembering. The planning. The anticipating every tiny detail so the people you love can experience joy without ever knowing how many tabs are open in your mind.

It’s the gift lists, the teacher cards, the class parties, the holiday pajamas ordered in the right sizes, the family photo planning, the recipes, the baking, the snacks, the Christmas fairs & markets, the stockings, the extra grocery runs, the advent activities, the wrapping paper, and the fifty million “Don’t forgets!” floating around your brain.

And somehow, while all of this is happening, you’re still trying to create a season that feels soft and meaningful — not rushed or frantic. It’s a lot. And we rarely say that out loud.

So if this time of year also has feelings of heaviness, you’re not alone. Here are a few gentle ways I’ve learned to lighten the invisible load, even just a little.

I Choose A Few Things — Not Everything

Every year I used to try to do it all: all the holiday markets, every weekend baking marathons, all the crafts I see online, endless outings, you name it. And every year, I would feel moments of it feeling impossible or more so, it would stop feeling fun at points.

Now I still have the options of things to do that might be hefty but based on the day, the night or the weekend (and all the feelings in the mix that are ever changing) I pick a few to focus on — maybe a tree decorating night, a small baking tradition, or a cozy Christmas Eve activity — and everything else becomes optional. The joy stayed; the pressure didn’t.

I Let Go of the Version of Christmas That Exists Only on Pinterest

I love a pretty moment just as much as anyone, but real life with kids is messy, loud, and sometimes sticky.
If the cookies are lopsided? Cute.
If the ornaments are clumped at toddler height? Charming.
If someone cries because the marshmallows melted too fast? Normal.

When I stopped trying to match what the holidays “should” look like, I actually started enjoying what they did look like.

I Delegate Small Tasks (Even if I Could Do Them Faster)

It’s not groundbreaking, but wow — handing off a few small things helps so much.
My husband rolling out all the dough on the baking night of gingerbread people.
He handles grocery runs, Christmas menu planning alongside leads cooking (doesn't hurt that he's a great cook and loves it).
We alternate Elf duties.

It’s not about capability — it’s about not carrying everything alone.

I Prep the House for “Good Enough” Instead of Perfect

Instead of deep cleaning before guests, I do three things:

• clear counters

• wipe bathrooms

• clean the entrance

That’s it. And no one has ever said, “You didn’t dust?”
Spoiler: they’re too busy eating the cookies.

I Build In Slow Days

One of the biggest gifts I give myself is a nothing day mid-December. No outings, no plans, no errands. Just pajamas, movies, naps, and whatever keeps us calm. It’s our family’s reset button.

I Remember the Magic Isn’t in the Tasks — It’s in the Moments

The truth is, kids don’t remember how coordinated the wrapping paper was or whether you baked from scratch. They remember the feeling:
Warmth. Laughter. Togetherness.
Being loved in small, un-rushed ways.

And those moments don’t require a never-ending checklist.

So If You’re Carrying a Lot Right Now…

Take a breath. You’re doing beautifully — even when it feels messy.
The invisible load of motherhood during the holidays is real and heavy, but it’s also a sign of how deeply you care.

And the more we talk about it, the lighter it gets.

Here’s to a holiday season that feels softer, slower, and a little more doable — one small, imperfect, magical moment at a time.